I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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