Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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