did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize