Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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