Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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