The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
