i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
