i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i've created a new STD.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
