oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
