Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
