i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
