She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
