I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
