my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
