So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
