I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I didn't notice because vodka
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
