so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just pee around me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
