tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
