i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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