i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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