1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize