I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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