Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
