We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
