Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
