I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
