i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
