I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
