that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
