just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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