u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
