OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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