just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
