I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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