I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
