My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
