Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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