i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
