I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
