Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
