I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
