So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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