Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize