It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
