Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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