Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
