he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
