I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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