Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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