the condom got lost in my hair
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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