Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
