He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize