What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
