ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
