oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
