I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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