you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
