Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
