Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
