her vagina looked like bernie madoff
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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