He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
