Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
