That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm getting married
To pizza
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
