Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
