Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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