she woke up with a sticky ear
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
