HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
