sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
