Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
