even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
