So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
