All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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