I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
