Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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