I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
