My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize