I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
