you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
