I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
