No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
