once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize