I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
