i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
