he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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