that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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