No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
