I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
