oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
