Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
