Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
