I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
being pregnant is like rehab
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
