I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We had to coat check the pizza.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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