That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
