but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
