Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
