Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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