The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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