what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize