You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
