I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
