This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
