She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
