Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
